Almost Paradise.

You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Before I forgot, I had a weird dream again. Its totally irrelevant and completely out of place. And I realised those dreams I have been having are based on things that had already happened. Which made me wonder, just why am I repeating history again.

Okay here goes. I suddenly transpired in this classroom which looked sickeningly alike to the one in SA.And well, I guess in that dream it was the day for OP. The thing was I don't seem to know who my group members were neither do I really recognise the people around me. I tried talking but no one seemed to be responding to me. So oh well, the only thing that's not changed was that I am the first speaker. And then I started talking. I was well aware that the assessors were staring open-mouthed at me like I am a deadly virus of some sorts and I know it could only be a horrified look. And halfway through the speech I saw slides and slides changing in front of me, but those slides were definitely not covered in my part. And I just stood there, gaping at the screen. Somehow I managed to get through the whole terrifying ordeal. After everyone left, I was hiding at some corner, crying and crying and crying. Then at this point, I woke up. However, I was well aware that there was something missing in this dream. I remembered that at the instant I was going to wake up, there was someone, a blurred figure holding his/her hand out to me. Sadly, I guess I would never find out who that person is.

Completely out of the blue right. I realised that perhaps I am trying to run away from certain things. I am not ashamed to admit that yeah I am indeed doing that, but still I have been happier than I had past week. I read somewhere that if you dreamt that you were being chased that means you are trying to escape something, and oh hell I realised that I had that kind of dream a few days back too. Perhaps my sub-conscious is trying to tell me things, things that I am well aware of too clearly, things which I would not mention here, things which are best to be left for my private diary.

But I would acknowledge this fact that I am slowly losing trust in the people around me. Somehow I could feel myself withdrawing into my own world, wrapped tightly around me. True, that had a few exceptions, to friends who I have let my guard down, friends I love. The old me always thought that talking to people helps to alleviate the hurt, the troubles, now I would say solving your own problems is the best solution to everything. Even if that means talking to yourself or non-living things, sitting alone, laughing at nothing and staring into nothingness. Its weird, but I sure does those things, maybe I am retarded after all, but I feel alot better after that, even assured in a sense. Maybe I should just say this nagging thing in my mind since last night. To a group of people, its not that I want to ignore you, but you forced me to do so. Sorry. I really miss you guys too, the memories we used to share. Some things had hurt me, surprised me. I just hope its not a joke. And I am really okay. Its time for me to grow up.